Volevo essere una party girl. All’inizio, però, quando ancora di me non avevo capito niente. Mi sono accorta di essere fuori dal coro quando avevo dodici anni, durante la festa patronale al paese. All’epoca vivevo in un paesino del sud Italia, vicino Bari. Era la festa del santo del posto ed ero uscita con i miei amici. Pop corn, lattine di Coca che a quei tempi costavano sessanta centesimi, caramelle gommose. Strano immaginarmi senza sigaretta, ma avevo dodici anni, ancora. Ed è stato lì, davanti alla giostra delle macchine da scontro, che ho capito che ero fuori dal mondo. I miei amici facevano a gara per chi dovesse giocare per primo, e io non volevo andarci. Odiavo le macchine da scontro, odiavo le giostre, odiavo le feste. Ed è stato allora che ho capito che non sarei mai stata come gli altri.
La party girl in pigiama
Ho sempre amato uscire e incontrare i miei amici, non sono di certo ciò che si può definire ‘una persona asociale’. Solo che non mi è mai piaciuto vagare per la città di notte, o bere fino a sentirmi male, o divertirmi a tutti i costi. Non mi è mai piaciuto ballare in discoteca, grondare sudore dentro un top di paillettes, camminare sui tacchi. Un amico delle superiori mi definiva “tirannosauro”, per come camminavo sui trampoli, il che dice molto. Sono sempre stata tipo da caffè in un bar con le luci soffuse, da chiacchiere su una panchina. Dondolarsi su un’altalena al parco al tramonto, passeggiare in pieno giorno, mangiare un cornetto caldo al bar. Sobria, sempre, con al massimo mezza pinta di birra in circolo. E per molti anni mi sono sentita sbagliata. Perché tutti rincorrevano il divertimento mentre a me bastava rivedere per la centesima volta Mary Poppins in pigiama?
Il fidanzato strategico
Per molti anni me la sono scansata rifugiandomi in una relazione sentimentale. Durante tutto il liceo sono stata con lo stesso ragazzo. Ovviamente avevamo molto in comune, e anche lui non era tipo da discoteca, all’epoca. Ricordo ancora il giorno del ‘ballo della scuola’, in quarto o quinto superiore. Non ci volevamo andare, eppure fino alla fine avevamo finto entusiasmo. Avevamo indossato i nostri vestiti migliori e io mi ero già truccata come un manichino di Zara. Cinque minuti prima di uscire, ci guardammo in faccia. “Pizza e film?”. E addio ballo della scuola. Anche allora, però, mi sentivo sbagliata. Pur avendo al mio fianco il complice ideale, pensavo di avere qualche serio problema mentale. Avevo un’idea malata di divertimento? Ero snob? Pensavo sul serio che passare il pomeriggio in biblioteca con un libro sulle gambe fosse divertente? Sì, lo pensavo davvero. E se gli altri non avevano di certo torto nel divertirsi a modo loro, non avevo torto nemmeno io.
Sei come sei
Dopo molto – troppo – tempo, ho capito che non ero sbagliata io, e non erano sbagliati gli altri. Quando sono arrivata a Dublino, i miei amici di qui mi hanno accettata subito per quello che sono. “Non bevi? Okay”. Molti di loro sono irlandesi, sono cresciuti a brown soda bread e Guinness, ma non mi ridono dietro quando ordino una limonata. Sanno che molto probabilmente non mi ritirerò alle quattro di mattina dopo una notte in discoteca. Sono consapevoli del fatto che dopo una cena al pub e un bicchierino al massimo me ne tornerò a casa con l’ultimo autobus. Ma ci sta bene così. Siamo diversi, ma ci vogliamo bene lo stesso, o forse soprattutto per questo. Non posso essere una party girl, non lo sono e non lo sarò mai. Sarò sempre la ragazza che alle dieci e mezza di sera torna a casa ascoltando una playlist vintage su Spotify. E chi se ne frega. Siamo quello che siamo. E se cambiare significa indossare panni nei quali ci sentiremmo solo a disagio, allora davvero non ne vale la pena.
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